(Mori)Bus Philosophorum: Would You PLEASE RELAX?!?

After many years using public transportation I’ve gotten it down to a science. Things like never leaving home without a book, always keeping your card in the same place for easy access and planning to be at the bus stop five minutes before you need to be; these are simple ways to ensure a pleasant trip.  It’s also important to detach from the whole driving mindset. You aren’t behind the wheel so it’s pointless to worry about things like stop signs and slow-moving traffic and other blood pressure elevators.  I even try to sit where I can’t see what’s happening up ahead because the bus gets where it’s going when it gets there and not a moment sooner. There’s no way that you as a passenger can speed up the process and if you pay attention to the fact that someone is getting off at every stop it will make you want to flip out and slash at people with your bus pass.  An example of this is a gentleman – we’ll call him Huff – I see in the morning: a toughie with a penchant for down vests and being visibly frustrated.  Every time the stop request bell pings he sighs and looks at his watch.  When the bus gets caught at a red light he fidgets in his seat, craning his neck to see what’s going on with the signal.  If it takes more than two seconds to merge he mutters, “C’mon!”  It really gets under my skin; this morning I had to put down my book (Six Not-So-Easy Pieces) because there was no way I was going to be able to wrap my mind around the flaws in Newtonian physics with Huff hemming and hawing next to me.  I felt like patting him on the shoulder and suggesting he look into an mp3 player or a nice Xanax prescription because he was freaking me out.  I held back though because I imagine Huff goes home and patiently works his bus pass against a whetstone, honing its edge to a scalpel’s sharpness.  I see him fingering it in his pocket while he rides, just waiting for someone to tell him to relax.